I Am Horny for Guys Who Wear AirPods

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A ardent invulnerability of something totally inconsequential.

Apple AirPods are a divisive square of tech.

“THEY ARE FULLY GROSS,” ELLE.com’s comparison editor Estelle Tang shouted over Slack. Ask her since and be prepared to face a fusillade of rage. “They demeanour stupid. They are little skinny stubs poking out into nothing. They’re not tiny adequate to be unimportant or elegant. They’re cosmetic and twiggy and make me wish to bravery them out and chuck them on a belligerent each singular time. we hatred how they expel during an angle, since that draws courtesy to a fact that they’re entrance out of warm, private ear holes, that feels kind of racy honestly!”

And after a new Christmas haul, there’s been a bang in AirPod memes: a crux of them is that they’re abounding and elitist, like someone who “studies abroad,” and/or they are a rabble politician.

But we contend that these bluetooth babies indeed boost one’s attractiveness. To me, and to many others, they are markers of decisive hotness. To put it bluntly: AirPods can get it.

Exhibit A: Henry Golding, a male so appealing we wouldn’t know what to do with him. He hikes Runyon Canyon. He has an accent. He is a intensity James Bond, and 007 would really wear AirPods.

Here’s another design of Golding (sans AirPods) only because.

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He is financially secure

Fact: AirPods are costly

Let’s get this out of a way—priced during $159, AirPods are a flex. It is an mercantile payoff to be a partial of this club. It’s probable that he maxed out his Amex purchasing them, or his mom means them for Hanukkah. Whatever a start story, a fact remains: AirPods are not cheap, and conjunction is he.

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Jake Gyllenhaal takes a morning travel while chatting on his cellphone

He is confident

Fact: AirPods are dweeby

In theory, AirPods are dumb. They’re white pieces of cosmetic made like spermatazoa that dangles from your ear holes. But it is because they are dweeby that they are sexy, in a best approach possible—the Seth Cohen way. Sploosh. Did a corners of your mouth only spin adult devising a supportive child listening to Death Cab for Cutie regulating wireless ear buds? Welcome to humanity. Here’s a upsurge chart: AirPods are lame. He doesn’t caring that AirPods are lame. Therefore, he doesn’t caring what people consider of him (except for your opinion, ofc). Not caring is confident. Confidence is sexy. AirPods are sexy.

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He is hands-free and therefore productive

Fact: AirPods are wireless

Imagine all a activities one can accomplish while concurrently wearing unconventional buds. A cordless lifestyle leaves a male giveaway to do prohibited male things like pushups and holding babies. They will never be physically or emotionally caught with curled affairs.

He is obliged

Fact: Without a cord, AirPods are primary suspects for going missing

Without a cord, AirPods are primed for going missing. A male who wears AirPods is a male who won’t remove his wallet, keys, or your heart.

There we have it. You can assume a lot about a male who wears them, though he can’t hear a haters. AirPods have glorious sound quality.

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